Whatcha textin bout Willis?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
