I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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