Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
