she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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