Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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