btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
