It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
