have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
