Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
