found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
