Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
