she woke up with a sticky ear
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
