I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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