you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
