Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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