There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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