i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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