im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
