bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
