I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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