ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
