dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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