Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
