Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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