i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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