I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
