today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
