I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
