I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
