I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
