I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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