So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
