I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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