I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
