She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
