right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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