Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
