I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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