I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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