Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
