yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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