Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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