Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
where am i from again
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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