Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
