i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
