I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
