I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.