I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes