Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.