I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
