Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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