How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina