Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.