Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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