How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0