Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.