oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
