This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
