I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
