he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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