Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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