The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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