You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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