After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
