last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
