i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
