after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
