I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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