my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
