put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
