I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
