The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
