question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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