Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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