Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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