I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
