Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
