I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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