Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
