You surviving the open bar?
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The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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