you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
