i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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