My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We just shotgunned beers for America
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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