I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
