i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
