Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
